Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
