I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
