I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
