I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
