bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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