We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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