nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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