How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my shit smells like andre
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
