Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
