I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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