he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
