I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
