She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
