I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I love black thongs
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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