My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
