This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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