I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
