i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
