i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
