Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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