Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
