He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize