Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
