I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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