Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
