hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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