i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
