There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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