I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Alive.
So much puke
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
