If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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