Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
