Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize