I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
