what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
