Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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