TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
