You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
