Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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