In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
