I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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