Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
