You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
