You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
