Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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