she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
