I wish my penis had an off switch
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
