you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
