I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
