i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
