I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
not ubering you a puppy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
