it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
