your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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