So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
