I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am puke
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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