I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
