So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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