You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
