I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
