Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
