our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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