fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
