i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
