So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
